Arthur and Alfred, a Parody
by MadeinEurope
Summary: A parody of every USUK story in existence, Alfred the average American falls in love with Arthur, a family friend, on his birthday whilst Mattie tries to sabotage everything in the background.


**Hey!****So, despite how horribly embarrassing all my other writing attempts have been, I'm trying again! Ha, rhyming. Anyways, that being said, constructive criticism would be much appreciated. This story is pretty much a parody of every typical USUK story ever, and is supposed to be in good jest. I am not trying to (meanly) ridicule any story or headcanon out there! Trust me, I'm jealous of your mad writing skills.**

**I'm not sure how long this story is going to be, but I don't expect more than a chapter or two**.

Alfred sighed in a typical over-the-top American fashion, because that is what he was, a typical American. Because he was so typically American his friends, who were inexplicably all foreign called him America for a reason that escapes both Alfred and the authoress at the moment. Rolling over on his (huge, American made) bed, he picked up his iPhone five. Despite the fact that he had just graduated high school and came from a typical American middle class family, who was oh-so-typically tight on money, he always had the latest technology. Unfortunately for our starring character **[who by the way, does NOT belong to the creator of this story, nor any other Hetalia character.**], all that was on the screen was a lone message from his Canadian half-brother who was somehow also his twin. Absent from the screen was a message from Arthur Kirkland, a longtime family friend just four years Alfred's senior. Although the blonde was oblivious (typical westerner, can't read the atmosphere. **[also, for anyone out there who is not a "westerner" this trait is prevalent among us because we normally just bluntly state things rather than trying to diffuse our emotions through the air or some shit. However there are still those who can't take a glaringly obvious hint *coughcoughMyMoMcough* uh. /end awkward AN where I discover AN wasn't really necessary]**) to it as of yet, he was totally and completely gay for the londoner who by some miracle was distantly related to the British queen. Moaning in agony, the American opened the message from Mattie, his half-twin.

_"U little shit u forgot mi b-day agn i hope u 4get 2 chu ur cake" _

Mattie was always so, so, kind. After all, he had reminded him that this glorious day was indeed his birthday! The fourth of july, how patriotic! Also being patriotic he had named his glasses after his home state, Texas** [heh heh]** . Shoving the immigrant-filled **[I love you immigrants, you keep the economy afloat and all have pretty hair.] **state upon his face, he leaped out of bed with a vigor unmatched anywhere, because damn it, America was unmatched anywhere!

Dashing down the stairs, on a one-sock downhill ride, laughing all the way! (AHAHAHAHA) Alfred slid into the kitchen to make breakfast. After making a greasy eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and toast **[does anyone actually eat this? Whenever there's an occasion calling for a Large, Filling Breakfast this is what my dad makes. I don't know if this is accurate or not, oh well not like this story is serious anyway**], our blue eyed friend did that weird crawl-on-all-fours-but-not-really stair climbing technique that makes everyone look like a gorilla and produces copious amounts of noise up the stairs, and bounded into his room to dress himself before he wrecked himself.

He put on an American flag shirt, a red bandana, wrangler blue jeans, and a ten-gallon hat because That is What Texans Do. After he pulled on his very Texan cowboy boots **[cowboy boots are the shit yo, they're really comfy]**, Alfred strutted down the stairs only to crash into our favorite text-speaking Canadian. Being Canadian he was of course wearing a red flannel shirt, work boots, a huge coat, and one of Those Hats. He looked like he was about to say something but before he could, their mother, Amelia, who for some odd reason was like a female version of dearest America, barreled through him and gave alfred a huge hug. "Oh! It's my baby boy's nineteenth birthday ! I'm so happy! Also Arthur has somehow found the money in his college-student savings to fly over and visit for the week! Isn't that great?" before anyone could reply, she ran away muttering about cake and fireworks.

Al couldn't believe it. Artie was coming? Awesome!

Due to the families oblivious/passive aggressive nature, the doorbell had been ringing unanswered for the past ten minutes.

When Alfred flung open the door, he was greeted with a pair of eyebrows at his eye level.

They were huge, a life-form of their own, talking breathing, moving, growing, all of their own accord.

And then:

"bloody hell you git, I've been bloody waiting for blooming ages!"

Alfred briefly wondered how it was that there could be so many bloodys and other typical brith words in an eleven-word sentence.

**Well? Am I doing any better? Does anyone actually want more of this story? I lied earlier, there's about three more chapters available for writing in this story. Also, if anyone was confused by the Texas crap, I live in Texas.**

**Rural Texas.**

**If it wasn't clear my awkward little comments and ramblings were in the [] bolded. Anything in the **()** was just in ****parentheses.**

**Anyway, Review! Please**!


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